If you caught up with her about them, she would generally express remorse and apologize. I know its an addiction rather than love. What I now feel is like my whole sense of self has been suddenly truncated I am feeling a confusing mix of things affronted by the ease with this seeming resolution full of anger at how its affected me not to say the ambiguities I face relinking to the group as a whole I sent a contribution into the forum where they all are the other day a simple comment about something normal just like before exactly what I have missed so much some replied some talked about other stuff others started other threads it was like looking in on a room full of people chatting being excluded from that room for what is 18 months and now being able to walk in and talk like nothing has happened has made me really sad inside for the meaninglessness of it all how hard it is when this is used as a weapon manipulating and controlling a persons connectedness is a powerful and painful weapon it really hurts, none of the stress depression anxiety simply goes up in smoke I am mindful too that dealing with those things is now made more difficult given the blurring of the framework that formed them those feelings have been orphaned in a way, left out on their own, I think a big risk now for me is that I bury them try to move on without addressing them, if I was to say what I am full of at this moment it is confused anger, I did not reconnect so much as simply accept his offer of a fresh start in the sense that it was simply an idea I dont have to and dont see this person in my life the offer and its manifestation in my life was fully abstract, What happened was strange though and I am not sure I fully understand it but after he offered this fresh start and I got over the surprise and the sense that it was unexpected after he reconnected me to all the online forums that I had been banned from my sense of connection to the sport we had shared simply evaporated, It was as if in the years while there was abuse that that in itself became the thing that defined my connection to hang gliding in those years 2013/2014 my mind was fully preoccupied with the affront of having been ostracised running endlessly over how and why over how all the others seemed to simply accept it however they may have sympathised with me on a one on one level, I had initially thought I would just slowly pick up where I left off but its not working that way its almost as if I have been dumped in a way that the narcissist finally tired of the abuse and turned round and walked off the energy of the abusive link has gone and with it my link to flying flying I had had to step back from because of a need for No Contact. And that i better look for an other man because he cant make me happy. The only other option is that he is a Narc or Psycho who is playing her worse than she is playing him, LOL. The very last section is what got to me. You can put a stop to that by ceasing engagement. Its really hard for a guy like me to talk about issues like this. We cannot rely on them to make that decision. Yet, she would pull the silent treatment, disappear on me, cancel plans at the last minuteetc. If he comes home, hell leave again and why would you want the demon back in your life anyway? I still think of him, sometimes daily. I dont answer. All of the things she said were meaningless, despite me wanting to believe them. And that may be true but its still not good enough, obviously. It doesn't matter that the contact was negative - they got you to respond, which was their goal. Being in his presence makes me feel sick to my stomach even after all this time!! Hi lisa. One of the things theyll do is use verbal trickery to convince you theyre not the same person. I can certainly see that point of view and I have no doubt that this is mostly unconscious in those who are non-malignant. My prayer is for continued healing for both of us. Sally. Then he texted me that he hoped for me to Find finally the love of my life because he has found that one. Hate that dark weather. He knew he left me with no job and no money so Im not paying for any of those past bills. And because you keep taking him back. We can actually crave contact with them. Not only were they kind, caring, giving, and compassionate, but they gave you the best sex of your life. Get out while youre still sane. I dont know whether your ex-partner will ever hoover you again. If the narcissist was the one to end it, he or she might have cut us off, as if we never existed or mattered. So how do you explain to the ones that you love that they the have no future because of a mental disorder starting grade one that was not recognised until a year ago? I did not even hound her about it, and actually was pretty cool about the whole thing. Remember, they start our trying to be what you want and then show their true colors over time. You capture so well what is going on in a narcissists mind. When it comes to the ex-partners of a narcissist, they fall into two categories. Its often the case that victims trying to recover will need the services of a professional therapist for clinical conditions such as PTSD, depression, childhood issues, etc., and then also work with someone who can help them understand and heal on a different level thats often not addressed in traditional therapy. I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. I was contacted by the narcissist that I divorced in April. It worked! Its like I need more proof that he is a monster or isnt. Other women I have dated that possesed BPD traits were easier to see their faults. They might be able to help you with healing resources, and will certainly be able to help with your tendencies to self-harm. Let your integrity speak for itself! . Everything Im reading is exactly what has been happening in my life. Finally it is on record. - Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, How Can I Be Sure Hes a Narcissist? We have gone through a lot so we are stronger then ever and then most couples. The therapist that was to support me said ,you need him. He was very sweet and complimentary towards her the entire evening. Like my father was. Anonymous, I think Kim is right. I told him he had to go. I enjoyed her ways and I know it sounds insane but I could just sit and listen to her talk and watch her eat. Why are you waiting for him to return? I thought the same when my ex found his new supply. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. I have taken myself out of the triangle and am allowing them to self destruct. I tried to contact him at first with no luck, Then I did no contact for 60 days, nothing. I dont mean telling the kids the gory details cuz that would only hurt them but when they ask you can certainly say some high level stuff. Like he was punishing me KNOWING I didnt feel loved without physical expression on a regular basis. I went no contact, although not right away. She knows about the breakup and I tell her Im avoiding him, which she understands. Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Obsessed With You? When he gives me the old lets meet for dinner line I tell him yea when I free up. And he was abused my his father as a child, so I feel sorry for him. I mean.. i knew he was a little bi but i know for sure he is not realy gay. He seemed to need to be perceived as perfect in my eyes. I learned my lessons over and over again until i was conditioned to not be my outgoing, confident self and be subservient to her will and desires. I love being your altar, your sacrament, your icon, your miracle. It has been 13 years? He is just an empty shell. After telling him yet another crazy story about him, my bf informed me I had been under the clutches of a classic Narc. A few reasons why people want the narcissist to hoover. Twist a story to their advantage as if their the victim, and yet, their the culprit. Their partner saw past the mask, realized they were flawed and left. If the narcissist keeps coming back . And most Ns dont have the will to face themselves. Keep preaching it my friend!!! So when someone walks out, what it really says is that theyve been exposed for who they really are. Weve both defriended him on all our social networks. I love this app especially since any number on your blocked list wont go to voicemail. It surprised me, thought she was married to the guy she lives with. One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. Also, if you had ever mentioned to him that you thought he was too materialistic or too sexual then the first thing he wants to do is rub it in your face how he has changed for the new supply. He thought it was funny when he wrapped his legs around me neck and squeezed and I started to try and get him to stop, slapping my breast over and over until it had red dots all over it for days. We left without saying goodbye. Narcissists are never happy. Still, the deeds were the deeds. She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. Any advise for me? He and I use to go to that park and made love to each other. []. I have gone through the shock, the anger, the grief, the self blame and have learned so much about myself..my strength and resilience, and ability to love. Josi. Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. I have observed, however, that it depends on the person, how much they should know to heal. However, I know God wants you to be healed of those wounds, and as you know, He has made a Way for your healing. When I say Im in love with you, I mean All of it to a T. Wow! I dont know what to do, but I need to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo. So perhaps we can all utalise that hurt to think what have we gained from this HORRIFIC, life changing ordeal & experience ?? We talked he told me he would change . Thanks and will be posting, asking your opinion. Moreover, we need more information on disordered females. Jalours on my attention that i give to my sick mother. (Yeah, thats truesick f*ck that he is.) and the list could go on and on.. Even the tinest smile. I needed support for the situation with my mother. We are left with nothing !!.. Will she change her mind and get in touch with me? The last man shed ever kiss. I seen a picture of him and he was pretty average in the looks department. Theyre the type the narcissist can control. Thanks you all for the helpful advise. takes you step-by-step through the five stages of leaving a narcissist and helps lead you straight to the exit. My god do I wish id have left things then but it sucked me in. The woman whom he triangulated me against reached out and were now friends-acquaintances again. Thank you for this.. Dear Ellen, I am finally feeling free but I know when his latest partner has her fill he will come looking for me. I can relate, big time! But everywhere i go there is something thats remainds me of or laughter, our same thinking and taste of everything. The benign BPD have nothing to do with manipulation etc. What do you mean with they never let you go ? But a little. But in the meantime we are just friend. He hasnt done anything horrible to her yet that I know of, but she doesnt seem as happy as she did at first nor does she have that glow that people who are in love usually have especially in the beginning of a new relationship. When i came home after two days. I started reading up sociopaths and narcissist and it led me to here. Meditate twice daily for at least 15 minutes Im not quite sure but I have an idea. Hi Kim, after my relationship with one, I did quite a bit of reading and learned a lot about them. He accepts my terms which areno triangulation with his new paramours, no lying, no declarations of love and no meeting in person. How will he react to me leaving the triangle?? The next step is restraining order. Borderline is distinct from Narcissism. You will thank yourself in the morning. a narcissist. Told him this time I do have something to say. I feel i need him. Im so scared for her! Omg, we must be the same person because Im mean, Im so mean to him, I treat him like a dog, and I also needed to grow up, this is real life ..not a game he tells me. Best of luck to you!! After all, we are human and may not always behave maturely. Well, other than her owing me money.lol. The best way to get rid of a Narc once and for all is no contact. What about over one or two years. keep tabs on me)? I tried and tried and she blocked me out! And ONLY in the beginning. You might just want to take her to small claims court for your money. Vincent Cassel: 'Every Time A Man Does Something Wrong Now, He's A Pervert Manipulator Narcissist' - Read online for free. Eden and tiredofliars8, WOW the idea, that he is possibly the BPD (borderline) came to me while I was reading the story. Of him and he was abused my his father as a child, so I sorry! Unconscious in those who are non-malignant but everywhere I go there is thats... 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