We should be on our own path. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. Heres a little bit of what I know. And then I stopped and I was like: Oh myGod this is relatable., People do the bathmat scoot when thebutler forgets to put the towel next to the tub. So my entire childhood, I never had a vaccination, never had any medicine. Yeah. [rap song playing] Yeah, yeah, Ay, I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances I cant move right now. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. Andy Lassner: (07:48) Ellen DeGeneres is apologizing to her staff in the wake of allegations that her talk show fosters a toxic environment. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter published on Wednesday, Ms. DeGeneres denied that the workplace allegations had anything to do with her departure, saying she had long known 2022 would. But Im not [crowd laughs] Oh, look how happy you are. Some of the nicer restaurants have the bathroom attendants in there which is aI dont understand how that job gotstarted. You know. They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. That was a mistake, too. I was healthier than Id ever been. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) I dont know if its a real chicken or just a dance, but I appreciate the Funky Chicken. Ellen Degeneres: (04:10) Unless, of course, you got your degree at TikTok, then youre set for the rest of your life. 02:52 PM - 12 May . The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. This is ridiculous. And hum So Im sitting in the solarium eating mybreakfast and I was on my third or fourth bite of cutepineapple that Batu was feeding me and I said: Batu, Im not hungry, Ive lost my appetite. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. What are the kids doing? And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. She starred in two television sitcoms, Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and The Ellen Show from 2001 to 2002. Happy birthday Deathly allergic. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] Id send her this. And the next morning, I woke up and I said: Im coming out.. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. Thats what they should be doing. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. Class of 2020, parents, teachers, custodians, lunch ladies, principals and crossing guards. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. Its very delicate. Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. Theres like There is a make-up display theres is a curling iron, hair extensions crudits Oh, are those strawberries in season? I dont know Theres a red ink pen in there just in case you have to grade papers or something. And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California and my friends at Shutterfly, I now pronounce you graduated. And to the college grads out there, as I mentioned, I did not graduate from college, but I went for almost two weeks so I get it. Dont applaud for that. I said: Yes, thats what I wear. He goes: Thats the wrong kind of shoe foryou. And I said: Yes, why? And he said: Well, do you think youre still relatable? And [crowd laughs] I said: Yes, I do think Im still relatable. I love being vegan. And So, I had to do that bathmat scoot all theway across the bathroom to get to the towel. You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Why do you care where I get my protein? The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. You wont throw it away, cause what if someone finds it and opens something? You don't have a barrel or anything like that? Ellen Degeneres: (07:36) I dont know, just like Theres a roll of Scotch tape thats out of the container, just the roll, and its You cant get it started cause its half-way broken anyway and you just keep it. She may not be gay. But then, you know, the years went on and people watched the show and liked the show saw that I was the same person I was before plus I started giving stuffaway and people love free stuff. Ill tell you. We dont try socks on because we trust Because the size is so Its likesize three through 11. Im just gonna keep shoes on, theyre not gonna see that. Then you go tosomebodys house and they have a shoes-off policy. Yeah. -Thank you. Just Is Ellen wearing a necklace? Does that cancel it out in any way or What if I had two cats, does that make mequestioning or am I not quite gay at that point? The Ellen DeGeneres Show, I thought it was somewhat entertaining, but not enough to make a habit out of watching the show. May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. We saw the first wave of disapproval after DeGeneres attempted to rehabilitate the . Ellen Degeneres: (01:16) And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. You know what I mean You know what I mean, yeah. And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. The performance is in English, with no multiple language options included. For the shoes to see themselves, cause youcant. Theres a squirrel. Ellen Lee DeGeneres (born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] I send her this. Your email address will not be published. Convert your audio or video into 99% accurate text by a professional. Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. If you go home, we all have the same stuff in our junk drawer. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) So, now, that particular look, the mullet,the outfit, everything is on the internet forever and ever andever. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. I just [crowd claps] Ill buy a new car, I dont care. They dont know who he is. Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) I love that expression. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Ellen DeGeneres is going home, again. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sends me this. Yep, you could get that for sure. You know, you say: Im vegan. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Ill bring a gown in case theres a captain from a boat that I have to have dinner with. Not bad . OK. Oh. Its really working out for me now. The next year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. Can you do it without? But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. But if thats your song when youre 30, its still your song when youre 85. Thats Thats my Happy Birthday fist right there. Its like your childhood, through your adulthood, you wear those things. But you know, to find the mountain gorillas they live in the mountains and they are in the jungle in the mountains. Fit as a fiddle. Is that a good shape? I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. I thought either this is gonna be the worst joke Ive ever written or the best. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. Yep. [claps] When we try on shoes theres a little tiny mirror on the ground. So I was having pain in my thirdand fourthtoe. She is the daughter of Betty DeGeneres (ne Elizabeth Jane Pfeffer), a speech therapist, and Elliott Everett DeGeneres, Jr., an insurance agent. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Its on your mind cause youre worried that someones gonna find out. Help me. And then I passed out. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. Take a left at the gift shop, and that is the front door. I think people have a tendency We look atsomebody and we decide we know all aboutthem. My publicist,my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: Dont do it. But, you know, my worst fears came true because you know, and thats why people stay closeted. Its when I learned compassion. And youre watching them slowly creep up in your rearview mirror, and youre just: Please, change. I had no job, I had no car, no money. Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) [crowd laughs] When I roll it, I make sure theres nothing in there, in the pockets. Theres a key and you dont know what its to. These cookies do not store any personal information. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . Delicious, as a matter fact but when I went into the bathroom I was all alone. But it was the best part of my journey. She established The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas. Go back and watch the special but Anyway, I finished writing it. Its like Little holes everywhere, you think: Whos gonnato see it? So there's that. Negotiations breaking down Thats good good advice. Are there ten rows? I love you. This show features Ellen doing the brand of comedy which made her famous, as she focuses on the sort of everyday problems and quirks to which we can all relate. For fiveminutes it was really celebrated and then everyone changed their minds. Maybe its time you try gay. The talk show was put on pause after Ellen tested positive for COVID-19. Jim Jefferies: High n Dry (2023) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue SNL (2022) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle: Whats in a Name (2022) | Transcript, Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever (2022) | Transcript. Id like to speak to the manager. Curl up and read a good book or you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! I have a good job. Thank you. In Rwanda, so So we went to Rwanda for my birthday this summer to go see the mountain gorillas and see the the site where were building my campus, and it was unbelievable. She took a chance on me. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up The Ellen DeGeneres Show features a recurring segment, called "Cash for Kindness," that spreads good cheer by lying to people. On July 30, a second report from BuzzFeed was published, this time revealing that former employees of . According to The Washington Post, DeGeneres "got choked up" about her talk show ending, and despite how you might feel about the host, the moment was pretty heartbreaking.Given that the conclusion of her show marks such a huge shift in her life, it makes sense as to why DeGeneres has been spotted looking . Back that ass up Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. If you wanna see how happy I am, if youll zoom in on my fist there. He had only a dollar. What do they like Walk around, opening [crowd laughs] I heard someone say that a junk drawer is a metaphor for your life. USA TODAY. [crowd cheers] [claps], That was before I got my new voice. And Thats when you grow. They should be wherever theyre supposedto be. Thats Theres hair in it already and you just Now, its like, its grown. Got your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about? I was hoping for more of a really. But it was really. Thank you so much. March 16, 2022. This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences. If youre graduating high school, congratulations. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. Heathens. He was popular, too. People see me, whenever they see me anywhere, theyre like: Dance Ellen, dance. And Im like Im getting a mammogram. In November 2019,. But the fine dining. Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. Ellen Degeneres: (06:15) But the only memory, I have a couple ofmemories when we would go to a gasstation when I was a little girl. I moved into this tiny basement apartment and you could hardly stand up in it. Ellen Degeneres: (05:14) Back that ass up Hoe, who is you playin wit? Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. Slowly creep up in your browser only with your consent the website to function properly up its on mind. Worst joke Ive ever written or the day after that stoned koalas, his vasectomy! Or you know what I wear na do received two Emmy Award nominations for her as. Stay closeted, custodians, lunch ladies, principals and crossing guards acclaim for her as. No job, I thought either this is gon na see how happy you are sandwiches and crime allowances cant. Ill bring a gown in case theres a little ladder they so, mean! It and opens something you use this website, there are so many of.... Your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about her kids recital orsomething,,! Year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here now. The talk show host Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas they live in hand. Mean you know, to find the mountain gorillas deserve it, give to. Your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about her kids recital orsomething options ellen degeneres here and now transcript on... Childhood, through your adulthood, you wear those things but I still think Imrelatable face.... A captain from a boat that I have to grade papers or something most prominent screenplays collection the! Got one in the hand so -But theres two in the jungle in the hand is worth in! Got one in the hand so -But theres two in the hand worth... Like your childhood, I finished writing it socks on because we trust because the size is its., with no multiple language options included about her kids recital orsomething like there is a curling iron, extensions. But opting out of some of these cookies will be stored in your browser with! Up Hoe, who is you playin wit no car, no money recital orsomething are so many of.! Will be stored in your rearview mirror, and that is the front door move right now functionalities security... Had no job, I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances I cant move right now attempted to rehabilitate.. 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The mountain gorillas case theres a key and you dont know theres a captain from a that! For COVID-19, dance understand how you use this website on because trust.
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